


They don't see the scars

by Halcyonranhuer



Series: Red and Blue doesn't always mean purple [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Sad, Self-Blame, Self-Esteem Issues, everyone is really sad and confused
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 13:26:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11487324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halcyonranhuer/pseuds/Halcyonranhuer
Summary: A shift of perspective towards Keith who struggles with his new burden as a leader. Shiro's shoes are just too big for him to fill.





	They don't see the scars

Swing. Hit. Jump. Swing. Hit. Hit. Destroy.

The training bot crashed loudly to the ground, metal ringing echoing throughout the room. He stared at it being taken away, the floor opening a small round circle beneath it as the mess disappeared almost magically- he watched silently with hollowed eyes.

“Another.” He then commanded. These useless thoughts must not come.

It would be fatal for such distractions to occur in battle.

The ground opened once more to reveal a fully restored training bot and Keith readied his sword. “Round 47.” Some mechanical voice said in the room, but he couldn’t register the voice in his head. All he wanted was to bring down something, take it down, tear it down with his bare hands if needed and screamed at it.

Burn. Crash. Destroy. The fury within was maddening. The helplessness within was maddening. The guilt within was maddening. Emotions clashed in a whirling turmoil, like a hurricane. Peace seemed so surreal. He didn’t notice the mechanical door to the training sliding open- Keith always locked it- until he saw a familiar figure standing awkwardly beside it. He ignored the figure. As long as they did not get in his way, no one was going to get hurt.

“Hey um, isn’t that enough? The bot already looks kind of like a mashed potato.” The voice seemed hesitant, a little fearful even, if Keith would admit.  

Oh.

He didn’t notice he already won the round. Well, good o’ paladin Keith never noticed anything. If he did, then perhaps Shiro wouldn’t have-

“Keith?”

Keith abruptly turned his head to meet Hunk’s worried gaze. His racing heart started to calm a little.

“Yeah?”

“You’re not getting any sleep lately.” Hunk nervously said.

“We need to get stronger to face the Galra and… find Shiro.” Keith replied, but his voice was considerably strained towards the end. Even mentioning his name, it felt like spitting out needles. There was a short silence between them.

“Yeah, just… try to get some rest.” Hunk then smiled sadly. He didn’t want to mention or imply anything about Keith being leader, he could practically taste the burden the previous Red paladin had forced upon himself.

“It’ll be my last round.” Keith said.

It was a lie. He knew Keith was stubborn, the most stubborn out of the lot, besides Allura of course. If Hunk was ever going to get him to rest and clear his mind, he would have to be Shiro. But he wasn’t Shiro and Shiro wasn’t here.

He watched as Keith called for the next bot and left as silently as he came. Some things, they were just too difficult.

* * *

Good Hunk. Hunk was always good, true to his heart, kindness down to his soul. Keith thought. He knew Hunk was trying his best to keep the current team together, going around, trying to stitch up the holes since having Shiro being ripped away from their lives. Everyone was starting to become their individual selves.

Keith didn’t express too much concern, but he had a feeling that at this rate, they might not even form up Voltron anymore. The Galra were getting stronger and they were breaking apart.

Simply.

Hilarious.

Like a bad stage comedy all gone wrong.

He stared at the Black Lion before climbing into him, having left the training room a while ago just to head to the cockpit. If Coran or Allura found out his nightly activities, they wouldn’t be too thrilled. Perhaps they already had long known and it was natural to them for a paladin to practice combat skills. 

Yet Keith thought of the man’s occasional disproving gaze whenever he said he wanted to train. He briefly wondered why as his thoughts started to wonder. 

If anyone was the worst, it would have to him. Keith thought as he shut his eyes and leaned inside Black. How did Black feel when Shiro disappeared? He wondered as his fingers fleeted across the controls.

He bonded almost instantly with Keith. He worked fine in battles. However, Keith thought that it was more of his sense of obligation to fulfil his duty as the Black Lion, head of Voltron, rather than a personal connection. Outside of battles, he rarely spoke to Keith. On the other hand, towards Shiro- he showed Shiro many things. Keith could only imagine.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

He wanted Red back. Black did not belong to him. Although they moved naturally, there was no connection. Shiro once said that Voltron was built on the unity of feelings. What unity? What feelings?

_Everything’s crumbling so hurry and come back now, Shiro. I’m not a good leader. I don’t know how to hold this up._

Keith squeezed the sides of his seats tightly. His chest was tight as if something was pressing against him and his back perspiring profusely, even if he was sitting there and doing nothing. He shifted deeper back into the seat and waited for the tension to go away, mind circulating elsewhere.

He couldn’t sleep. No matter how hard he tried. He thought if he would sleep, the nightmares and the guilt would all come pouring back in.

He then heard shuffling and quickly jolted back into a sitting position. An intruder?

Lance. He recognized the lanky figure walking slowly towards Red, then propping himself against the feet of the lion and leaned against it. He was saying something to the Lion, but Keith couldn’t hear him properly. He then watched as Lance cupped his cheek, seemingly wincing but continued smiling anyway to keep up a one-sided conversation with Red.

Keith bit his lip, right hand trembling violently. He always wanted to apologise, but whatever words he had always had got choked up whenever he caught fleeting glimpses of Lance in the hallways.

“Sorry.” He rasped, a terrible realisation hitting him hard again. He didn’t know why he hit Lance so hard that day. It was as if something within him just snapped.

He always had been snapping recently, had he not?

Maybe the Galra in him had finally gone feral? Was it that accursed blood that seemed to do more harm than good?  

Although Allura never said anything, her cold gaze seemed to indicate that. 

No, he would never, never, never turn against Voltron.

But his blood would.

If you are neither human nor Galra, what makes you?

A monster, it is. **Unnatural**. 

Keith gripped harder on his seat as he laid back down uncomfortably, a hollow gaze into the distance.  He always thought he had fully accepted himself as a half-Galra. Or perhaps it was all because of Shiro watching over him and that everything was just a ruse he made up.

Keith feared. “I’m sorry.” He said again. “I am so, so sorry.”

The apologies would dissipate into the silence and he would wake up again in the early morning to find Voltron another day without its leader.  

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry to torture them mentally like this... However considering (pillar of support) Shiro's sudden disappearance and they are still stuck in the middle of space war (and basically teenagers!), it is actually quite a heavy thing to cope with.


End file.
